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There is a rule at work that you have to ask a manager before you eat a breadstick. It’s a stupid fucking rule, because no one who is hungry and on the clock is gonna go track down an authority figure to eat some greasy, oversalted bread. So, no one actually asks, obviously. However, if a manager or restaurant professional does happen to see you eating one, it’s always, “did you ask to get that?” The kneejerk reaction is to lie and end it there, but you might jokingly admit that you, in fact, did not. “You know you’re supposed to ask.” Everyone knows that, but no one, especially not management, actually cares. The thing that strikes me as ridiculous is that they know no one is gonna ask to eat fucking bread, especially when we’ve been rushing around nonstop for hours and finally have a chance to take a 30-second break to eat the only available food—then back to work before anyone notices. That’s the way it goes. Even though you know nothing will actually happen if you’re caught, you cannot help but eat one only when you know no managers are around, and when you don’t know for certain where they are, you go hide in the piss-poor excuse for a “breakroom” (dry storage) that doesn’t even have any chairs or tables. Eat if you will, but it won’t be a break.

And one might think, “oh, they’re enforcing dumb policies to hold even more power over their workers,” and yeah, sure, but it’s more complicated than that, because this unwritten rule is not ridiculous at all from their perspective. They know with absolute certainty that this one rule will be broken: that is quite literally what it was designed for. This one little asinine mode of control is the only one constantly harped on precisely for this reason. You are allowed to break this nominal rule, so long as you obey all the other big ones: report all your tips accurately, card all guests who order alcohol, don’t commit “time theft,” and so on. This one rule sets the entire tone for the workplace dynamic. An uneasy, steady alliance of we-know-what-you’re-doing and you-know-what-we’re-doing. A delicate balance atop a straight razor. Eat the bread without asking, but don’t organize, don’t steal, don’t demand what’s owed you. You wouldn’t dare.

I should go across the street and work at Red Lobster instead, they got way better bread anyway.