videophage.com

I am sorry. I have been away for far too long. I have put aside my passions in favor of cheap distractions, both breathing and inanimate. I have been afraid to set pen to paper, to turn the first page, to start anew. Until now, I have failed you. I have been fearful to create something I could proudly and wholly call my own. To innovate. To exist. To make art; something truly for myself. But fear is quick to overtake the mind, and subsequently, breeds anxiety. I have been paralyzed—no longer fear toward trivialities but toward my own existence! And thus, I have become obsessive. I have been obsessed with people who meant much to me and those who I gather now, meant little at all. Nonetheless, they were all crucial in this midnight awakening. I do not regret a second of it but it is no longer time for dealing with others. It is time that I take precedence for once. I am finally alone. In this moment, I have no one. But I have you, that’s enough. The clown Pagliacci I will be no longer, I will be the ghost that haunts his existence and tells his story. The only story I know well enough to tell. The story, the collection of masturbatory incoherence only I know. And I choose to keep it confined within me no longer. From now on, I will be his ghost.